My Choice

A friend of mine posted this article on Facebook earlier this week. It was printed in the New York Times. It is about a woman who found out she was having twins, one of whom had a genetic defect. Please take the time to read the article before finishing this blog post. It is very well written, I assure you.

My Abortion at 23 Weeks, by Judy Nicastro

After reading this article, I felt sad. What a terrible thing to happen to a woman! I know...

At the same time, I felt that I had to share the other side. My side. My choice. I felt like I had to defend my choice for my daughter. My choice to let her live out all of her days. Both of those days. 

Just like Mrs. Nicastro, we were worried, terrified, and distraught when we found out our baby wasn't as perfectly formed as we had hoped. I know the thoughts that crossed her mind: I'll do anything to protect this child. How can I raise someone like this? Why us? What are our options? How will this affect my other children? 

We were given many of the same options that she was. We were both looking for guidance. The difference between us is our reaction when abortion was placed on the table. 

Here's where I want to be clear. I am by no means saying that I am better than her. I am not saying that she is a terrible person for what she did. I am not saying she is a bad mother. 

I am saying she needs the hope of the gospel.

Hope is what she lacked for her unborn baby. She knew that if both of her twins survived birth, her new son would need oxygen and life support. His organs were pushed up past his diaphragm into his chest, not leaving enough room for his lungs to develop. She worried, as I did for my girl, about her baby's quality of life. How long could they live like that? What kind of pain would they be in? How would they learn? How would other children and adults treat them, and us as parents? It's terrifying and heart-wrenching. 

She chose to end her child's life rather than have him face that kind of life. 

When abortion was suggested to me (more than once by more than one doctor) I shoved it aside. I do believe abortion is murder, so that was my initial reason, but it's not the only one. 

I chose to not end my daughter's life because her life belonged to God. 

God created my child, the same way he created the author's. If a child lives for an hour, a day, five years, or a hundred, the date of that child's death is still in God's plan and who am I to negate from that number?

My daughter was born weighing two pounds, and only lived for two days, but we used those two days to love on her and show her Christ's love. Yes, those days were painful, yes we miss her terribly, and yes she struggled to live those two days. But God used those days and the months previous to literally touch hundreds of lives. We were candid about what we went through, and so were our family and friends who shared our baby girl's story. 

I could face that awful time because of the hope I had in God. Her Father is in Heaven, ready for her in His time. Christ died on a cross for her sins, inherited or otherwise (I have no delusions that someone who lived only two days didn't have time to sin). The Holy Spirit interceded to teach her the love God has for her, because although her eyes and ears were not whole, her soul is. I have faith that she is with the Lord now, and no longer suffering. 

I made a different choice than the author of this article, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. 

Again, I am not writing this to condemn Mrs. Nicastro. I am writing to share my side. She wrote her article as a defense for keeping abortion legal into the second and even third trimester. I am writing in hope that other mothers who face the same decision that she and I faced will trust that their child's life is not in their own hands. I am writing to let others know that abortion is not the only option for a child with birth defects, or a frightening diagnosis. Pray for hope, pray for trust, pray for faith, pray for healing. God doesn't regret even one baby being born.