Mothers Days

2012: I was excited. Mother's Day this year was going to be so fun. When we got to surprise my mother-in-law with that ultrasound picture and celebrate together with my parents, I was so happy. I was going to be a mom! I couldn't wait.

2013: The emotional wounds were very raw that day. I was still grieving my baby girl, and the last thing I wanted to hear about were happy mothers in church. I spent that Mother's Day service in the women's restroom crying. Some friends sat with me and comforted me, but the pain was real and poignant that day. I wasn't even sure I could call myself a mom because I never got to mother my daughter.

2014: I stood in church that day, smiling and round. I was happy to be pregnant again, this time with what appeared to be a very healthy child. I thought about the year before, and the child I missed, but the brighter horizon was coming.

2015: My family of three laid in bed early yesterday morning, and my husband slipped a card into our baby's hands to pass to me. I was told "happy Mother's Day" as I dropped off my kid in Sunday school. August cried because he's teething and fussed because he was tired. I changed diapers and clothes, cleaned messes, and planned meals. It was the best. 

Happy belated Mother's Day. Every year won't be a celebration, but it's nice to acknowledge all the states and stages of motherhood once a year.