I'm surprised with how my grieving has gone. I thought it would be harder right away.
Maybe it's because we never brought her home. Maybe it's because our routines haven't been changed much by her absence. I'm not sure.
It's not that I don't miss her. I only had her for two days, but I still feel her absence at times. I look to where her crib should have been, or hear songs at church about Heaven and God's goodness, and my heart is heavy. When I went through her items I brought home from the hospital, I wept and wept. But on a daily basis, I feel a lot like I did before her birth.
I don't know how people go through tragedies like this without believing in God. What I mean is, the only thing that's given me so much peace with all that has happened is knowing that God is taking care of her, that she is whole, that His plan is right, and she is not suffering.
When I do miss her, I picture what her life would have been like had she lived. From the little we know about her physical condition, even without the breathing difficulties, I know it would have been hard to cope. For me, for her, for all of us. We have no idea what her quality of live could have been. But God did. In His infinite wisdom He chose to bring her home quickly. It's my loss. It's my pain. But THANK GOD it's not hers.