Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Eviction Notice to a Baby

August Amzi Stanley,

It has come to our attention that your nine month lease has come to an end. Thus, you must vacate the womb you have been occupying.

We understand that the space you have been living and growing in has been quite comfortable to you, and you may be sloth to leave it. However, please be reassured that you will be promptly furnished with many accommodations which are currently beyond what you can imagine in your fluid filled world. You will be loved and cared for, and given many opportunities to learn and grow that would be impossible should you remain in your current lodgings. You will get to see the faces of the people who you have been hearing (hereafter referred to as "Mama" and "Daddy"), as well as many others. As you continue to grow, you will experience food, crawling, walking, school, friends, and more. Just you wait. It'll be worth it.

You have until 9am on September 2nd to comply. Should you choose to remain, your eviction will be forcefully and medically necessitated. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Happy birthday.

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