One month or less.
So much is still uncertain, unprepared for. I love to plan, and God has taken away nearly everything I can plan for in this situation. Some of that is good: I don't have to worry about getting diapers, clothes, and all of the furniture for her room ready right away. If she makes it through birth, she'll be in the NICU for an indefinite period of time, and all she needs will be provided for by the nurses and specialists.
The bad seems obvious to me: We don't know for sure what the next weeks, months, or even years may look like for us. Will Penny be in them? How healthy can we expect her to be? Should we plan a homecoming shower or a funeral? How much can I really be there with her in the first few days if I'm recovering from surgery? What if? When? How? Why?
One thing we can do is paint her room. It'll be "Natural Straw Yellow"and "Sea Glass Green" when it's done. I've had the colors picked out for a long time, but now the looming date of December 11 has put us to action. Whether Penny will come home to this room or not I don't know, but one day we will bring an infant to live in there. Maybe there's some metaphor for hope in painting that room. I don't know.
|My mom helping us paint. She's already in love with her first grandchild.|
One way or the other, within a month our lives will change.