If you haven't seen the movie Lars and the Real Girl, you should. We just watched it tonight for the first time, after it was recommended by a good friend. It's a story about a loner who gets a sex doll and treats it like a real woman. It's a story about a town loving this man where he is, how he needs to be loved. It's about growth.
I don't think we were expecting this movie to talk to us where we are in the way that it did.
One scene keeps playing in my head. Lars is sitting in his living room with a group of older women that are keeping him company in his pain.
"We came over to sit," says one woman.
"That's what people do when tragedy strikes."
"They come over and sit."
People may not always have the right words, but that doesn't mean they can't love you well.
Also, I think there's another poignant reason that this movie struck a cord with me. There's a big part of me that doesn't see Penny as a real girl yet. Part of that is normal first pregnancy feelings, I'm sure (Is there really a baby growing in there?). Part of it is that I'm purposefully distancing myself from it all.
A lot of moms talk to their stomachs. I can't, because it's like acknowledging that she's real. I've avoided finishing some projects, put off decorating her room, or registering for baby things because if she doesn't come home the reminders will be real, physical, painful. Even though I feel myself loving her more and more, I can't say the words out loud because it makes the thought of losing our real, precious daughter so much more unbearable.
We don't know what to expect. But when tragedy does strike, I know we'll need people to come over and sit with us.